Silent tears are falling on my angry cheeks. A teenage heart is broken from baring a weight designed for an older heart. I’m coming in an out of dark water just long enough for a breath.
(A silent dad, troubled by indecision, beholds his son.)
“What are the words? God, please give me the words!” he cries. Yet, no words will come.
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“Hey!” he says excitedly. “Let’s go buy you a car!”
My swollen eyes look up and meet my dad’s. We both stare at one another awkwardly, kind of embarrassed because of the state of man’s soul.
I smile not because of the prospect of a new car, but because of the absurdity of it all. My dad pulls me out of the dark water and embraces me. I feel the love of God pouring into my soul, repairing the broken, giving wisdom, and revealing His mysteries.
I wrote this “150 Word” remembering a moment I had after breaking up with my first real girlfriend. It was an unhealthy relationship to say the least, on both mine and her accounts, but there was love there to a degree. So in saying that, know, that this was also my first real, broken heart. You know the kind that has you doubled over, I don’t want to get out of bed, cried until there were no more tears, kind of heart ache.
We were both very selfish, as young people usually are, only thinking of our own desires and needs. We were treading in water designed for a much more experienced swimmer (preferably a married swimmer) and we were beginning to drown, so to speak. When we decided to break up.
I remember in very vivid detail lying in my upstairs bedroom. Not crying because I didn’t have anymore tears. Just staring at the wall with a kinda throbbing numbness beating inside my chest. (As adults, we make light of this calling it things like “puppy love”, but “puppy love” or not it still leaves very hurtful wound and scare.) I really don’t know how long I lay there, but I’m pretty sure it was most of the day. It was like I just didn’t have the strength for anything.
The next thing I know, my dad is yelling at me from downstairs. He wants me to come outside and do something, anything with him. I took creative liberties on my dad’s thoughts, but I’m pretty sure it was something close to what he was thinking.
What dad wants to see his son in this state? What dad can think of the right words to heal a wounded heart?
Anyway, I remember yelling, with a croaky voice, something very teenagerish like, “Dad, you just don’t understand!” I’m sure it was very dramatic, knowing myself. I probably threw myself on the bed with a very southern belle type sigh, and thrashed around in the covers.
The next words out of my dad’s mouth, i’ll remember with perfect clarity until the day I die. He said, I guess without any other option, “ lets go by you a car.” I remember sitting up in my bed after that and just laughing. Not because I was excited about getting a new car, but I felt the love of God in my dad’s gesture. Weird huh? My dad was willing to go to the lengths of buying me a car, just to help me cope with one of the hardest lessons we , as a people, have to learn. With this I knew he was telling me, without telling me, that he just wanted to be near me during this. He was telling me “life will go on” without saying those same words that would have sounded so idiotic to my teenage mind.
With his words playing in my brain: I set up in bed, wiped tears and crust from my eyes, pulled myself out of that dark water, and went downstairs. With my dad’s hand on my shoulder, I stepped out into the new days sunlight and felt my broken pieces begin to mend.
Quick side note:
I really like figurative language, as you can probably tell if you have read any of my other writings. So “coming in an out of dark water” is used to represent any type of bad situation were it feels like you are drowning.